I am going to tell you this right now. If you read my last post it is probably the best one that will be in this series. I mean how do I top that experience? Week four was definitely mellow compared to last week. The good news is that I didn’t have a man cold and I wasn’t shitting my brains out. I was finally 100% and ready for a full week of rose tea everyday as well as having another strong ceremony.
One thing in week three that everyone seemed to notice was that there some food cravings coming up. We were at the halfway point of the course and Ben told us that this is a normal thing. I was having some cravings myself. I already eat a plan-tbased\vegan diet.(whatever you want to call it. I don’t care for either label really.) I didn’t have to cut out as much as most people in the group so I can only imagine what their cravings were like. For me they went away pretty fast. It is the beginning of week four and I am not having those cravings anymore really. It came and went. Something else is coming on strong and that is the dreams!
I have mentioned briefly in one of my last posts that dreaming is a part of this course. I have been having them about every night. The hard part is remembering them when I wake up. As soon as I wake up each morning I try to write down what I remember. Sometimes I remember most things. A lot of times the dreams leave me as I start writing or as I’m grabbing my journal. It is so weird when that happens! I haven’t taken the time to read all them over again and see if they mean anything to me. That will be a good thing to do here maybe when the course is over. I can say sleep and dreams is an area where I have had an insane improvement on. Not eating late at night before bed, no tech/social media and the whole ending the day routine has cured my issue with not falling asleep at night.
I don’t know how it happened but I managed to get another Friday and Saturday off. I decided I would have ceremonies on both days. I don’t really know if we were supposed to do only one throughout the week or not but I felt like why the fuck not add another? Friday after my Muay Thai class I went to Kiwanis park in Tempe, Arizona. This is the spot that I have been doing my grounding in. I decided to go on the opposite side of the lake that I did previously. I’m walking by the lake and under this big tree I notice a group of birds. They are all hanging out together. All are different species. I thought it was interesting. The majority of humans always look down on animals and consider them inferior. Yet humans are all the same species and still cant even get along. They fight due to things like different skin color or being born in different locations with imaginary lines. It’s pretty silly when you think about it. After that I walked barefoot in the grass and laid on a hill for a bit over looking the lake. I’d look up at the sky, feel the wind blow through, and again listen to the life all around me.
I noticed an area with really green grass compared to all the other parts of the park. I thought it would be nice grass to walk in so I headed in that direction. there was also some shade too. I get down there and am walking around. I’m looking down making sure there is nothing sharp laying around I will step on. I stop in front of a small brick wall. I look up and there is a big flower bed in front of me. It took me a minute to realize it but it wasn’t just a bunch of random flowers. It was a Kardashian’s ass full of roses! I even was second guessing myself asking if they were actually roses. I thought “why the fuck are there roses in this park?” Here is one of those “random” things again popping up. There were red roses, pink roses, white roses, any color of roses that exist were all around me. Something was telling me to pick one so I did. I came home and put it on my altar to use during my ceremony.
It took me a minute to realize it but it wasn’t just a bunch of random flowers. It was a Kardashian’s ass full of roses! I even was second guessing myself asking if they were actually roses. I thought “why the fuck are there roses in this park?”
I always do my ceremonies at night for some reason. Maybe it because my chronotype is defintely a night owl. I haven’t taken a test for it yet but I have always been a night person. It felt natural for me to do my ceremonies around 10pm. I set up just like I have been doing. I found an hour meditation song, lit the candles on my altar and pressed play. I get as comfortable as I can on my meditation pillow. I will do a little box breathing to help me focus and get in a nice relaxed state. I sip on my rose tea for a few minutes. Once I finish I really get into a deep meditative state. When I get in that state I actually can feel my third eye tingle. It is pretty cool. Usually that means some visions will appear. I get the same feeling as I am falling a sleep a lot. Once my leg goes numb I will lay down. I’m not sure how these yogi’s sit with their legs crossed for so damn long. My shit always goes numb or I get a cramp. I’m laying down and as usual there is no concept of time. Even though my third eye is activated I didn’t have any visions. Something else happened though. At one point I remember seeing nothing but white. It felt like nirvana. The best way I can explain it is that it feels like pure happiness. Pure joy. Just the most powerful energy you could ever feel. My chest then did this weird thing . It was like when medical professionals use a defibrillator to shock someone and their chest jumps up from the shock. That’s what my chest did. It woke me up out of the meditative state and then the music stopped shortly after.
I went through the same process on Saturday night as well and I had basically the same thing happen. Even though I didn’t have a vision during this week I decided to share some of the stuff with the group in the Tuesday meeting that has come up in my journaling I haven’t talked about yet. I talked about how I wrote a blog about a year ago where I did an exercise to find out where my negative mindset on relationships came from. (read it here) I didn’t know I had a negative mindset when it came to dating. I never put any energy into it. I had to find out why and I did. I’m so single that I’m like whatever is below single. I chase my own ass around my apartment playing hard to get. Another thing I think that rose has done for me was make me think more positively of what having a significant other could do. Instead of looking at it as taking something away from my life, I can look at it like this. What could it add to my life? Even though I love my life, maybe it would somehow make it even better. This is a way healthier mindset than I had not long ago. Understanding that the risks of dating someone and having it not pan out is always going to be there whether it is 3 years long or 30. In 2019 I ran out of money three times starting JMAX MEDIA. I’m willing to take risks like not being able to pay rent but then not even be open to dating someone is pretty strange especially at 34 years old now. At the end of the day I feel I now have the tools needed to be in a successful relationship. I have made peace with my past and I am ready for whatever the future holds in this area.
Just like that week four is done. It is wild how fast this course is going. I thought being off social media would be hard but damn it actually feels great. I am still in a big caloric deficit but it isn’t effecting me too much like it was since I am eating a little bit more. I feel pretty damn good. I do not think I have mentioned it but this last year, maybe a little longer, I have not been doing any personal development stuff. I didn’t necessarily go backwards but more so was in limbo. This course is a different type of personal development and one that I think I was missing. It is doing things that the other stuff just wouldn’t be able to do. Week 5 is about to begin and I am officially on the downhill side of the course. I am excited to see what the lesson is for this week and what will come up.
To be continued…